Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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