dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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