My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
