I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
