I could make wine with my vomit
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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