Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All the doctor said was why
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
