Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
