you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
