At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
