i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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