So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
