Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
