There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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