You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize