around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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