You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize