SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
