yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
