bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
