I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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