I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
