Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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