she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
