Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
