I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
