Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
