ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
