I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
