May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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