seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
