I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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