how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my poor anus
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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