i barfeds in our rink
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
