but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
