He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
