Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
