We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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