I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
