Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
