I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
