DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
