TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
