Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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