I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
