I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
