Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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