i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize