last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
