It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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