you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
