I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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