Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
