Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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