you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
