i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize