So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A+ Viking dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
