I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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