My room smells like vodka and shame
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
