I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
