yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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