I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
