Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
