i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As shirtless as possible
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize