well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
