I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
