HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
