Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
