I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Damn victory sex feels great
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
