I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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