I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
