My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize