Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
