I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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