The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
