we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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