my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
