my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
