I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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