There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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