We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
