i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
