I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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