Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
