Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
