Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
