yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize