I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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