Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
