So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
