all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
