Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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