girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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