Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
