My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
