Will you blow on my dice?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
