I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
