Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
