Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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