Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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