Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
