Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
