if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
