They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize