if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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