Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
