I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
