You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
