I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
