thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
