remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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